Un Garde
by JadedLogic
Summary: Seras has been harboring feelings for Integra since the Valentine Brother's incident. When Integra decides to give her fencing lessons these feelings become more apparent to both of them. SxI pairing. M to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

Everything changed the day the Valentine brothers attacked. For the most part, a huge depression seemed to loom over the manor and the remaining inhabitants. But they would carry on like always. Strong and unflappable, true Hellsing knights pushing past the emotional blow to ensure that Millennium would pay. Seras tried to move past the event but the memory continued to haunt her. She recalled her lack of control and the blood-lust frenzy she took part in when killing her fellow comrades turned ghouls.

It was a display of her true nature, a monster and this pained her. She couldn't bare to become something so destructive. If Integra hadn't stopped her she was certain that lack of control would have led to their complete obliteration, with the walls completely painted in their crimson. A strange feeling overcame her every time she recalled Integra's intervention. The iron woman rarely showed any emotion but in that instant she had seen and felt an array of emotions coming off her commander.

The break in her barriers, combined with the firm hug, that desperately pleaded with her to stop had her quickly coming back to reality. Only something serious would have Integra acting so out of the ordinary. The shift in her demeanor was just as surprising as the feeling of protection and warmth that came with her embrace. At the time she hadn't given any thought to the sensation of being held by Integra but now it was just as troubling as the massacre. Closing her eyes she thought back on the sensation of soft breasts pressing against her back, silky hair cascading around her shoulders just barely tickling her neck, and the rumble of her commanding voice as she begged her to stop. It filled her stomach with butterflies. In that innocent act she realized, Integra had given way to a growing attraction.

"Seras why aren't you training with the soldiers?" The very woman interrupted her train of thought. She was certain she was blushing but Integra gave no sign that she was aware of this.

"The captain thought it would be best if I trained when the men weren't. They can get a little... Rowdy."

Integra's lips pressed together at the statement and she looked angry. Did she do something wrong?

"Understood. " Her face fell expressionless once more."Perhaps you would care to join me in the fencing room then?"

"I'm not sure that's a good idea. I'm still trying to adjust to my strength."

"It will make good practice. If you can beat me you'll be unstoppable."

She didn't like the sound of that but it would mean spending some time with Integra. It was odd but just being around her was enough to keep her undead heart happy.

"Yes sir."

Integra turned on her heels and she quickly followed. She used this time to study Integra more. It would be difficult for her to catch her staring at the angle she was walking. So she looked freely at what her eyes could take in. The men's suit she always wore did nothing to reveal the curves beneath her, the ones she knew existed after feeling her pressed against her. Her very presence was masculine but strangely feminine. She found it was something that attracted Seras to her it was overwhelmingly Integra. She held her head up high, proud, and commanding as they walked. This woman was... amazing. She thought as her heart started to swoon.

S _eras you're being so pathetic right now ._ She argued with herself. _Sir Integra doesn't want you thinking about her like that! Besides just because she dresses in men's clothing doesn't mean she's gay! She won't ever consider you anything else than a vampire, the very monsters she seeks to destroy._

"Have you fenced before police girl?" It was back to police girl. She noted disappointingly.

"No sir, I haven't."

They reached the fencing room entrance and Integra pulled the door back for her. Don't look too much into it she told herself she was just being polite.

"Thank you." She replied softly walking through the doorway. Integra didn't reply and trailed behind her.

"We'll need to change first." She gestured towards the apparel hanging on the wall.

Integra started loosening her tie and many unclean thoughts started entering Seras mind. Which she immediately became ashamed of. She diverted her gaze, while Integra remained unaware of Seras' worrisome thoughts. Moments later Integra neatly placed her jacket, tie, and cravat onto a nearby bench. Leaving her in just her slacks and a white long sleeved shirt. Seras couldn't help but noticing that several of her top buttons were undone revealing a fair amount if skin from the usually so concealed woman. How was she to fight her when she was in such a distracting state?

"Watch me as to how you put on the gear."

She nodded not trusting her voice enough to speak. Integra bent down and removed her shoes, then she was doing something Seras never expected. A popping sound followed by the sound of a zipper had her eyes widening slightly, Integra was removing her pants. She slid them down in a graceful manner revealing slim legs and smooth skin. Integra just had to be teasing her...

"Socks first." She instructed pulling the material up to her knee. Once both socks were on she moved to the next. "now the trousers."

The image of Integra in socks, underwear, and just a shirt had her feeling breathless. It was a sight she never thought she'd be apart of. She didn't want her to cover it up so soon but she reminded herself that Integra was trusting her to behave appropriately, and that Integra didn't think she needed to be careful around her.

Both legs where in the white pants and she was now zipping the fabric together.

"You"ll want to pull the pant legs up so there's a fold in the fabric above your knee cap so it's loose giving you more room to move about."

She demonstrated and was quickly moving on. Her hands began unbuttoning her shirt and she realized Integra was about to take that off as well. She felt the need to look away but Integra was showing her how to dress, she needed to watch. Once the fabric fell away Integra was placing the pants suspenders over her shoulders.

"Now this next piece might give you some difficulty." She didn't know what Integra was implying until she saw what she was putting on. A chest protector, that took the shape of a pair of breasts. Seras found she was looking at Integra's more than the protector. "It works just like a bra." she said matter of factually. Thin arms slid through each strap and she was fastening the velcro behind her. The protector made Integra's breasts seem larger than normal and she was beginning to feel her face flush.

"This is the plastron it will protect your shoulder. " She held up a white jacket made of just one sleeve that covered the right shoulder, leaving the left side open with two straps two fasten it. She slid it on and quickly demonstrated how to fasten it then neatly tucked away the remaining loose straps into the waistband of her pants. She removed a jacket from the hanger on the wall. "This offers more protection than the plastron. Just step into it and zip it up."

There was a loop just at the bottom of the jacket where she stepped through that traveled up to meet her groin. Seras thought the design was strange but didn't say anything because the moment Integra had it fastened all thoughts escaped her. She looked stunning in the well fitted uniform. It showed of her curves in just the right places and she still managed to look powerful and intimidating.

"The rest is self explanatory the mask and gloves. Now you change."

She had been so distracted by Integra's movements she had forgotten that she was expected to change as well. Beneath Integra's powerful gaze it would prove to be difficult. She had to do it though.

Pushing aside the feeling of eyes on her she began undressing, starting with something easy her boots and stockings. Once they were gone she slid the padded socks up to her knees as Integra instructed. Footsteps neared her as she continued changing. Her skirt was the next article to be removed and she was very self aware of the underwear she chose today. It wasn't a pair she wanted anyone to ever see. On them were rainbows...

 _Integra must think I'm so naive. But I thought they were cute at the time._ To prevent further embarrassment she pulled up the trousers.

"Very good." Integra said. Seras eyes shot to hers at the statement. Her face was completely listless but her eyes felt dissecting. Now it was time to remove her shirt. She hoped she had chosen a decent bra today, she couldn't remember if she wore her just as embarrassing zebra print one. She mentally gave a sigh of relief when it turned out to be a simple black lace bra.

Integra was watching her closer now, unable to look away from the sheer size of her breasts. She was aware they were big but she didn't think they were going to be so distracting. Seras slid the protector on and reached behind to fasten it she was struggling with it just as Integra said. Before she fumbled any longer delicate hands we're doing the work for her. Her hands fell to her sides and Integra wordlessly pulled the Velcro together, bare fingers just barely brushing against her skin as she did so. Seras breath hitched at the contact and she hoped integra thought it was a result of the protector being tightened , it was a snug fit .

"What bra size are you? " Integra suddenly asked.

"40D." She squeaked. Silence over came her, and she looked to be in thought. " I'm sorry about the tight fit... I never would have guessed but it's all I have."

"It's okay." She quickly replied. "I can still move." Integra's hand fell away and she took a step back.

A strange look overcame Integra and Seras knew that if she had a pulse it would be firing off rapidly. Integra handed her her plastron and soon Seras was fully geared.

"I've been told you're a fast learner. I've witnessed a part of this so I'm hoping you'll adjust rather quickly to this type of combat." She raised her épée. "Now there won't be any points this is merely an exercise for your combat reflexes perhaps another time I will explain the full rules of épée fencing and we can have a go at that. For now I'll show you a few basic attacks and defensive moves."

"Yes sir." Seras held the sword in her hand trying to get a comfortable feel for the foreign object. Integra made it look so natural. "There are generally two main attacks thrusting." She quickly extended her sword arm forward. "And lunging which uses a thrust." She demonstrated by thrusting and extending a leg forward propelling herself off her back foot. "The idea is to be faster than your opponent. You're a vampire so naturally this should give you an advantage..." The reminder of what she was unexpectedly saddened her, it made her realize this situation wasn't a bonding experience, it was strictly business for Integra. "Just dodge for now and attack where you can." Integra pushed down her mask.

"Un Garde." She suddenly barked. Seras raised her sword, trying to remember and apply all the information Integra had just relayed to her. "Et vou apres?" What? She didn't understand French! A sigh escaped Integra. "Are you ready?"

"Yes!" She didn't feel ready. Why was she so frightened right now? This wasn't even a real battle.

"Go!" She replied. Integra lunged at Seras, she didn't even have time to blink before the epee made contact with the center of her chest. She was incredibly fast. Despite the protection Seras actually found the hit still hurt. "Come on Police girl." She egged, retreating into a defensive stance. "I'm an old woman compared to you."

An old woman? She wasn't a day over 22!

"Sir!" she whined. "You're still in your twenties…" A chuckle left Integra, she was clearly enjoying herself. Perhaps this wasn't just business? Seras found a smile tugging at her lips feeling hopeful.

"By the time you land a blow I'll be in my sixties. You haven't even attempted to make a move. Keep your head up and anticipate your opponent." Integra executed a feint causing Seras to counterattack but it failed as Integra had anticipated the move, thrusting another jab into Seras chest. She let out an oof as it hit her. "Almost," Integra replied. "Try and use your third eye. I'm not Alucard but I know it's an important aspect of being a vampire."

Seras focused her energy on accessing her third eye. This allowed her to increase her reaction time, and she successfully dodged a lunging attack from Integra. If she hadn't been wearing a mask Seras would have seen the look of surprise spread across her face.

"Excellent." She said, "Now I'm expecting an attack the next time you dodge. We aim to eliminate." Her commander side stepped and made a quick jab Seras dodged it and thrust her sword at Integra's back side. Integra, rolled forward avoiding the blow. She was officially the most incredible human being Seras ever met. "Don't tell me you're going easy on me Seras." Integra teased. The smile spreading across her face was hidden beneath her mask but Seras could hear it in her voice.

"Again same idea."

Even with the use of her third eyes she was falling short of Integra's skill level. Her reflexes were too well trained for her to make any contact. The lack of making contact was starting to irritate Seras. She had to get in at least one hit, to prove she was capable of something. Fully utilizing her third eye she made a quick lunge, much faster than her previous attacks and it was impossible for Integra to avoid completely. Integra had moved most of her core out of the blades path but it struck just beneath her arm wielding the epee. A grin of triumph spread across her face. She went to disengage but found her blade was stuck. Immediately her grin fell away. Integra dropped to her knees, clutching at the blade now lodged within her side. Fear flooded Seras, as the scent of fresh blood filled the air. She had wounded Integra she knew this was a bad idea!

"Integra!" she exclaimed moving to her side. "I'm sorry…" She found herself on the verge of tears. "I got carried away."

Integra removed her mask, and took in a deep breath of air.

"It's not your fault." She was able to speak but it sounded strained. "I pushed you to this. I'll be fine…" She hissed in pain as she quickly withdrew the sword. "Good hit." She heaved, now bending over to try and stop the pain.

"You need help, should I fetch one of the medics?" she was deeply worried. "Let's not worry them…" Integra stood but the shock of the injury and blood loss made her dizzy. She stumbled into Seras, who immediately helped her sit back down against the wall.

"Sir please you need medical attention." Integra gritted her teeth and straightened herself out.

"You're right but I can do it myself." She began taking off her jacket, each twist of her torso sending jolts of pain through her side.

This was insane. Why did she refuse to see a medic? Was it because it would be admitting defeat? She didn't understand it but would do as Integra said.

"Seras," she breathed. "unfasten my plastron."

Oh this was bad, Integra was having her undress her. This moment was going to surely haunt her in the future. With shaking hands she loosened the jacket and slid it of her body.

"Chest protector." She added. Seras removed that as well. Before her was a half-naked Integra clutching at a bleeding wound in her side. The position of her arms had her breasts pressing together further and Seras felt guilty at how badly she was feeling attracted to Integra right now. This whole situation wasn't right. Integra must have sensed her uneasiness as she seemed to suddenly stiffen beneath her gaze.

"Have you… fed today?" she asked.

"No." Her mouth suddenly felt very dry, and she was eyeing the crimson contrasting against Integra's pale skin.

"Drink." She said.

Seras eyes widened in shock. Had she heard her right?

"Drink Seras." She reiterated but this time with more strength behind her voice. "That's an order."

Integra removed the hand that had been covering the wound which immediately gave way to a stream of dark red blood. It trickled down her side, staining the white trousers she wore. She was hungry but this was Integra. How could she drink from her? What if she couldn't stop?

"Your saliva will help close the wound." The reminder had her body inching towards her. Integra sat against the wall with her head back and her legs lying straight out. It would have been easier for Seras if she chose to lay down for her but she wouldn't ask it of her.

Feeling Integra's heavy gaze on her she followed through on the order. Placing a hand on the opposite side of Integra's body, beside her hip, she leaned over the woman, pressing her lips against the soft white flesh. She lapped in some of the blood and immediately felt her body surge with the familiar need to drink, this was Integra's life force. It tasted sweet, and strong just like her. She wanted more, wanted to give in to it but willed herself to take on a gentle approach. This felt too intimate, and she was enjoying this too much.

She felt Integra's increasing pulse beneath her, the sound whirling in her ears. It was difficult taking in the blood without biting her, and she was forced to drag a tongue along the wound. An ungloved hand made its way to her strawberry blonde locks and she didn't need to look to see the affection in Integra's eyes. She could feel it through the touch it was gentle, caring and had her heart swelling with warmth. Seras pressed her lips harder against the skin swirling her tongue around it, forgetting just how sensual the act really was. A soft moan broke the rooms silence and Seras wondered if it was her own or Integra's. Then a sudden pain registered in her mind and she realized Integra was now roughly gripping at her roots.

"That's enough." She commanded looking down at her with heavy lidded blue eyes. Integra had never looked more beautiful.

Shame filled her as she pulled away. Had she drank too much? Turning her attention back to the wound she noticed it was already starting to close. Relief washed over her. Integra would be fine. Seras sat back on her knees unsure of how to proceed now.

"We'll pick up where we left off tomorrow." Integra was already starting to stand.

"No I cant… if you hadn't moved my blade would have pierced your heart. I can't control my strength."

"Police girl," she growled. "I didn't ask for your opinion. You will be here at the same time the other soldiers are training on the field. It's crucial for your development."

Seras face fell. Hurting Integra was the last thing she ever wanted to do.

Integra was suddenly offering her a hand up. It felt like Integra's way of saying I'm sorry to have done this to you but it's for your own good. She took it, marveling at how soft the fingers were in her own. On her feet Integra released her hand, but there seemed to be a small tint on her cheeks. She realized Integra was blushing! The look on her was incredibly attractive and surprising. Integra quickly looked away and walked towards her folded up clothing. Seras merely stared after her entranced by the proud manner she always seemed to hold herself, eyes lingering a little too much for Integra's liking.

Integra did her best to ignore it, her cheeks burning up while she dressed. She hadn't felt that the situation was inappropriate when she showed Seras how to dress but now that she didn't have a task to occupy her thoughts she could see now how mistaken she had been.

A wave of dizziness suddenly overcame her and she abandoned buttoning her shirt to stick a hand out against the wall. Seras instantly joined her side.

"Sir-"

"Stop." She quickly cut her off, and the hand that Seras had been moving towards the small of her back retracted.

Integra took in a steadying breath and pushed off the wall returning to the buttons. After witnessing her dizzying spell Seras remained uncomfortably close, ensuring that if she fell she would be the one to catch her. She couldn't focus with her so close. Integra needed her to move to to re-establish some appropriateness.

"Step back." She added.

Seras did so immediately confused and hurt by the cold behavior. Integra's hands fumbled nervously with Seras' gaze on her, she felt odd...

The button she was working refused to go through the hole with her shaking hands. Concern filled Seras as she watched the display. _She is fatigued_ she thought.

A growl of frustration left Integra and she gave it a final forceful shove failing miserably at getting it through. Integra was too focused on the button to notice Seras ignoring the order to back off. Only when two hands pushed her own away did she finally realize how much closer she had actually gotten. The urge to yell at her fell away with the sensation of soft fingertips gently brushing against her skin. She didn't know what to do, the action was bold, but extremely helpful in the moment. Could she let her continue dressing her like this? It was humiliating but... Her body craved the contact.

"Seras..." She breathed her name, not really knowing why. Red orbs met her blue ones they were full of an adoration that made her heart constrict.

"Thank you..."

"Of course sir ." Her words were soft, not quite a whisper. They managed to send a shiver down her spine.

Seras moved to the next button. She was feeling light headed. But she knew it wasn't due to the bloodloss. This wasn't right...these feelings shouldn't exist. Seras hand accidentally brushed against her chest causing her breath to hitch. The blush that spread over the vampires face matched her own. A sudden thought struck Integra she wanted Seras to kiss her.

Her eyes moved to Seras' lips, they looked soft and full. She didn't doubt how good they would feel. When she brought her eyes back up there was something dark burning in Seras' eyes. It took her breath away and before she knew it, the desire to have Seras kiss her suddenly became a reality.

In an instant those soft lips were on hers, desperately seeking out a response, that she was too shocked to give. Seras' body pressed into hers backing her up against the brick wall. She was overwhelmed by the sudden embrace, and too shocked to even kiss her before she could recover Seras was pulling away, realizing her mistake.

"Oh god... I'm so sorry." She replied hastily, looking away. "I-I don't know what I was thinking. It won't happen again!"

Integra put on a mask of indifference, and tried to calm her firing pulse.

"Dress and return to your room." The command was soft but still held a biting tone. The anger Seras had been expecting never showed.

"Yes sir."

What had she been thinking? Integra!? I've ruined everything she thought.

Seras changed refusing to steal a glance at Integra while she did the same. When Integra finished changing she threw her a parting glance on the way out that had her questioning the kiss. Nothing about that glance said she was appalled by her behavior. It read quite the opposite and Seras was overcome with a mess of conflicting emotions desire, confusion, and hope.


	2. Chapter 2

Their next lesson was carried out as planned except this time Integra arrived in uniform. She was glad Integra had the foresight to do so but slightly hurt that Integra felt it was necessary. _Well you did practically molest her!_

"Seras today I want you to work solely on defending yourself. Attacking is not an option."

"Yes sir."

Integra drew her sword, waiting for Seras to give her a sign that she was ready. She was thankful she didn't have to attack today, after yesterday's accident she was hesitant to even hold the épée. Had integra done this on purpose?

"We'll start off slow." Seras gave nod of her head and soon Integra was lunging forward. With a twist of her wrist Seras successfully parried the attack.

"Good." Integra recovered and threw a quicker blow hoping to catch her off guard. It worked and the tip of her sword hit her square on as Seras just barely missed.

"Feel free to dodge." Integra replied flatly.

Seras held her tongue, and held up her sword. Integra thrusted forward she dodged it but her foot caught Integra's ankle, causing her too lose her own balance. Before she was aware of what was happening an arm had wrapped around her waist pulling her away from the floor, and the sounds of their swords clattered noisily against the ground. How Integra had managed to catch her was astounding but in the moment was the last thing on her mind. Integra was pulling her close, with both of her arms firmly wrapped around her. When Seras regained her footing the grip only tightened and she leaned in to whisper in her ear.

"I have not forgotten what you did near the end of our last session..." Her voice was uncharacteristically husky, causing Seras to feel that flutter in her stomach. "Infact I can't seem to get it put of my mind." An arm snaked upwards, and Integra was removing Seras' mask. "Tell me why?"

Integra removed her own mask to look her in the eyes. Her gaze seemed to pierce her souls and Seras found herself struggling to voice the words. "Let me rephrase that... The urgency behind that kiss, has me wondering am I the person you desire or is this just a game for you?"

"Not a game, never." She replied breathily. "I want you." Seras face reddened as she admitted it but this didn't stop the dark look of desire from overcoming her features. "Seras I am your superior , a human, and lastly a woman. This desire... Isn't natural. "

She knew this of course and hearing it again did nothing for the shame she felt at feeling this way.

"But I find myself being drawn into this urge as well." Seras swallowed the lump that had been forming in her throat. Had she heard correctly?

"You realize the position I'm in don't you?" She hadn't actually thought what it would mean for Integra she had been only focused on herself. It would be far more of a risk for Integra than her... Was she willing to ruin her reputation for a shot at a love doomed for heartbreak? The hands that had been holding on to her loosened and the warmth of Integra's body was suddenly gone. "Come by my office later. We need to talk..."

Then Integra was gone leaving Seras alone in the fencing room once again.

* * *

What Integra wanted to talk about was clear but it was how the conversation was going to end that troubled Seras. She didn't want to hear the rejection, to discover the restrictions Integra would without a doubt put in place. It was going to be painful but a part of her hoped there was that small chance Integra would want to pursue a relationship. She had said she felt the same way.

Taking in a calming breath she knocked on the heavy door.

"Who is it?" Her voice sounded strained. What was she doing?

"Uhh sir it's Seras." There was some shuffling followed by a loud thud. "Is everything all right?"

"Yes come in." Integra retorted.

Seras was slightly taken aback at the sight in front of her. There were multiple boxes full of documents cluttering her usually organized desk.

"Spring cleaning?" She asked lightheartedly.

Integra met her eyes, she looked tired.

"I'm afraid our system of organization is lacking. So I've taken it upon myself to introduce a filing cabinet." She gestured towards the metal cabinet to her left.

"I can come back another time if you're busy."

"No Seras. Take a seat." Integra returned behind the comfort of her desk lighting a cigar as she did so. She looked more at ease now but sadly no more alive.

"I've been thinking, and have only been able to come up with one solution to our current... Dilemma." Her blue eyes languidly moved from her cigar to Seras. She could feel their icy grip but god if they weren't so stunning. "This organization has been my life's work, my fathers legacy. Everything I have done has been in the name of the queen, and God. To stoop so low as to become intimate with a vampire... is unheard of. My reputation, this organizations name would be tarnished. It would be foolish for me to just give in to the urge" she exhaled a stream of smoke.

"In the eyes of the world you are a monster but I know better. I've been monitoring you since that first night... you're different. You're nothing like Alucard." Seras felt her heart swell at the statement she never wanted to be thought of as some monster, it meant the world to her coming from Integra. "Every part of you is desperately holding onto the little humanity you have left, and that intrigues me. I find myself both admiring and resenting you for that." Integra stood from her chair, unable to look at the draculina any longer. "This intrigue has become dangerous for the both of us. I know what you desire Seras but I'm afraid I just can't give it to you as your have to understand that what I'm doing is for your own good. "

Integra snubbed out her cigar but it felt like it was her heart instead.

"Alucard will be busy these next couple of days. I need you to go out on the field. You'll be staying with the Wild Geese. Walter has all your necessary belongings and Pip will fill you in on the details."

Of all the possible outcomes she had thought of relocation had never even crossed her mind. She didn't want that. She couldn't. Not with the Wild Geese! However, she couldn't bring herself to protest. Integra's word was law.

"How long am I expected to stay?"

"It depends." That was all Integra said before Walter came into the room. He must have been waiting.

"Miss Victoria." Walter chimed in. "If you ll follow me."

He bowed slightly and started to make his leave. She couldn't make her feet move this felt like a final good bye. Integra was sending her away on purpose to drive a wedge between the relationship that almost was. She looked to Integra desperately trying to read anything on her face. There was nothing and it pained her. Integra was done with her. It was over before it had even started.

"Goodbye sir." A brief flash of sadness made it into Integra's eyes but it wouldn't stop her from sending Seras away. Having her in the manor would be just as painful.

"Goodbye Seras."

Their eyes met and she felt like her heart had suddenly been put into a vice. Every single emotion could be seen clearly in the depths of her blue orbs. Integra didn't want to do this. She could see it.

"Miss?" Walter was patiently waiting by the door. She swallowed the lump in her throat and left, not once daring to look back at the heartbroken look of her fearless leader.

* * *

"Ah so good to see you my mignonette." She fought the urge to roll her eyes though if she had she doubted he would have understood the meaning behind it.

"Sir Integra has told us to keep an eye on zis group of vampires moving around the area. Chipped freaks I believe is what she called them. " He pointed to the map and showed where they were located. "With your help we can watch over them better and devise a plan to make our attack."

"Just how many are there?"

"Ah not to worry my amore nothing the Wild Geese can't handle!" She curled her hand into a fist at the new nickname he gave her. But she wouldn't hit him for Integra's sake, she had a mission to fulfill.

"Tonight you shall accompany moi on our first stake out."

Of course he'd put himself with her alone.

"Yes sir." She hated addressing him like that. He didn't deserve it, not like Integra.

"Please just call me Pip."

"All right Pip. Would you be so kind as to show me my tent?"

"Oui it's right next to mine in case you ever need anything."

He gave her a grin that she supposed any other woman might deem attractive but she just didn't see it.

The next couple of days were made miserable by Pip's multiple attempts to win her over. She also missed integra, even though they weren't on the best of terms when she left just knowing she was several floors up gave her a feeling of comfort. Being away from the manor made her worry for Integra's safety. Walter could protect her but she would be safer with the two of them present .

Today Pip decided to join her for her breakfast.  
"Seras my mignonette, lovely weather we are having today no?"

"Yes, pip it is a very beautiful evening." _But you are ruining it_ she thought. He slid onto the bench beside her and pulled out his dinner from the brown bag in his hand.

"I want you to know that I am completely okay with you being a vampire. I do not see you as I see our enemy." He took a bite of his sandwhich. "Infact you are as human as I."

"Thank you pip."

For some reason his words actually made her feel better about her situation. However he quickly ruined it by sliding an arm around her shoulder.  
"Your welcome." She attempted to wiggle free from his grip but he pulled her closer. "I enjoy your company Seras. It's a nice change from the Wild Geese. "

She smiled nervously at him calculating exactly how to let him down without making the rest of her stay very unpleasant. Suddenly he had his hand underneath her chin and took the liberty of drawing her face towards his. "Much better to look at too." he said.

She brushed his hand away hoping he would get the message but he moved it elsewhere. Uncomfortably drawing it down the length of her thigh. "I have always wanted to kiss a vampire," he cooed. "Will you do me the honors?"

Really? That was his pick up line. He puckered his lips and was inching closer. Before she could push him away the familiar voice of Sir Integra cut into the air. Pip Immediately recoiled.

"I see you two are getting familiar."

If words could cut Pip would have been reduced to mere limbs.

"Oui Sir Integra I see it necessary to develop a rapport with all of my comrades."

Seras hoped she hadn't gotten the wrong idea. Pip was the last thing she desired and having her believe they were together would completely ruin any possibility of Integra changing her mind. Integra continued to glare at Pip. Was Integra jealous?

He stood to properly address her.

"Might I ask what you are doing here sir?" he tipped his hat as he said this.

"I attempted to make contact with your camp several times already. It failed to get through. My patience has grown thin and I have decided to come down here for a firsthand report of any progress being made." Integra didn't look pleased.

"Very well Sir Integra. Seras and I will gladly get you up to date if you'll just follow me." He turned and headed for his tent.

Seras couldn't stop staring at her. She hadn't seen Integra in days but it felt like it had been weeks. She didn't look her usual strong self and she feared Integra wasn't well, that she wasn't taking care of herself like she should. The woman had a habit of overworking. Why wasn't Walter doing anything about it?

They crowded around one another in the small tent, Integra holding herself rigid as she stood beside Seras. Pip was oblivious to their discomfort but a quick glance at their body language would have easily given it away.

"They centralize in this area." He pointed to the same spot he had the first day he addressed Seras." Their numbers aren't as large as we had first suspected and with the addition of Seras we have been able to monitor them more accurately and stealthily."

His eyes moved to Seras as he said this and they lingered longer than Integra liked. Integra quickly cut in.

"Have you been able to get an exact number?" It worked to get his attention off her.

"Yes. Seras might be able to explain better than I." Pip gestured for Seras to explain. Their eyes were on her but Integra's gaze seemed to weigh even heavier than Pip's.

"I've counted an average a total of 8. The number varies on certain days but its never less than this. The most I've encountered was 14."

"Have you recognized a pattern? Which days seem to bring the most numbers?"

"It seems that they always meet as a whole on Friday nights."

"The Wild Geese are planning to take them by surprise next week after we can verify this as a fact." Pip replied. "Our mignonette has given us more then we could hope for."

He forgot his place for a second and at hearing the nickname Integra grew angry. She made no attempt at hiding her discontent either.

"I expect their complete annihilation."

Without so much as a backward glance she stormed out of the tent. She needed to get out of there before she did something she would regret. Pip was getting far too cozy with Seras and she didn't want to be around to see his affection.

"We'll she's a ray of sunshine isn't she?" Pip said as the tent flaps closed behind her.

"Shut up." She growled running after her. Pip's jaw dropped and he stood back in confusion.

Seras didn't want Integra to leave. She couldn't they had to talk but she had no idea what she was going to say.

"Sir Integra!" She yelled. Integra stopped in her angry tracks and turned towards her.

"Yes Seras?" Her voice softened along with her eyes. It felt easier to reply now, and her gaze wasn't nearly as intimidating as it used to be. What had changed?

"I know it isn't proper for me to ask this of you but… I want to go back to the manor with you. Tonight."

Integra didn't even blink.

"No." That wasn't the answer she had been expecting.

"Please sir I'm begging you. The wild geese are worse than a pack of dogs. "

Integra considered her words for a moment, and her stiff posture relaxed just a little.

"If you came home then a loss here is guaranteed. Convince me other wise and I will allow you to accompany Walter and I back to the manor."

"They have all the information they need. Plenty of ammunition and the man power to back it up! If I am to fight I can make my way down here on the day they plan to attack. I'm not needed here!"

She knew she sounded desperate but she couldn't stay here another day with Pip. Having Integra pay them a visit really had her missing her company. Seconds passed and Integra still hadn't replied. Pip suddenly joined them and she was quick to voice a reply directed towards him.

"Pip I am withdrawing Seras from your site. Be sure to contact me before the attack and I will send her to aid in the fight." His eyes widened in surprise and he was quick to try and persuade her otherwise.

"Sir Integra Seras is a valuable asset to the operation. Please allow her to stay until –"

Integra had had enough of him today.

"I've made up my mind now return to your tent and we will be on our way."

He nodded and turned to Seras.

"Adieu amour." He gave her a quick peck on the cheek and fled. Seras froze. That was the worst thing Pip could have done to her in that moment. Integra spun on her heels pretending she hadn't seen or heard the endearing act. Seras knew what was going through Integra's mind. It was obvious by the way she was reacting. As she followed closely behind her she had to say something to let her know that wasn't the case.

"Intgera." She purposefully forgot the title. It worked at having the woman stop completely. "I don't like Pip. He's a creep."

"Seras." She sighed. "There are some things better off left un said."

She started moving once more, but to Seras it felt like she had a little more life in her now.

Walter was waiting for them by the car. He was surprised to see Seras but one look from Integra told him not to even bother asking.  
Inside the car Seras finally was able to relax. She was heading home. Away from the chipped vampires, the wild geese, and Pip. Walter and Sir Integra shared a conversation while she sat silently in the back. It didn't bother her that she wasn't included. She was actually thankful for that since she wasn't really paying much attention to their words. She was focusing too much on Integra. Something Walter said caused Integra to laugh and Seras had never seen her look so beautiful, so young and relaxed. This woman was becoming an obsession of hers, too captivating to let slip through the cracks. She wanted to get to know her better, to have her and call her her own. She couldn't forget that moment they shared in the fencing room. Every time she laid down in her coffin it was the first thing that came to mind, even away from her going to sleep in the tent it's all she could think about. She didn't want to pretend it hadn't happened anymore. She just had to try again.


	3. Chapter 3

She made sure Walter was finished for the night before approaching Integra's office. It was nearly midnight when he left and if she didn't move soon Integra would be leaving her office and approaching her in her bedroom was not an option. She knocked on the door.

"Im fine Walter I don't need anything else. The aspirin should be enough." She sounded drained.

Aspirin? Concern immediately flooded her and she abandoned her original plan. It didn't matter in this moment all she wanted was to make sure she was okay.

"It's Seras sir." She pushed open the door, and Integra's head shot up from her hands. "Are you not feeling well?"

Intergra's eyes searched Seras, but they quickly turned away.

"It's just a migraine Seras…Is there something you needed it's rather late." She was hurt at the quick dismissal but knew it was Integra's only real defense.

"Actually there was… but I won't bring it up now. Not until I know you're feeling better." She advanced towards Integra sitting behind her desk. The boldness she felt would be wiped clean if she took one look at the woman's questioning glance, so she focused on the task at hand. "I can help you…"

She was behind Integra's chair now and Integra hadn't moved from her seat. She took this as a promising sign and went for it. She gently placed both of her hands on Integra's temples. The simple touch easily caused Integra to abandon her defensive stance and she leaned back in her chair.

Seras slowly massaged her temples. She was far too stressed lately and this simple pleasure was doing wonders for her migraine.

"You are too busy. Integra You just need to relax a little more."

She was feeling more relaxed now, relaxed enough to not even notice Seras addressing her formally. Her soft voice felt hypnotic in the quiet room. Gradually, Seras moved her hands down the side of her head and settled at the back of neck. Here she made sure to apply a little more pressure, easing away the knot she had there.

"Don't move," she breathed her breath hot on Integra's neck. "This will relieve some of the pressure."

Integra knew what Seras intended to do. She should have told her to go then but she didn't want that. She was too tired to fight it.

She brushed aside her hair and slightly craned her neck, giving the draculina as much access as needed.

She took in the tiniest of breaths as Seras bit down, a small pinch but an otherwise pleasant sensation. With Seras gently pulling at the opposite side of her neck she felt her breathing start to shallow. Seras hand was soft, a little cold, and touching her so softly that it felt like a light breeze.

She closed her eyes, sighing, and fighting off the sleep that wanted to claim her. She needed this, and the migraine was starting to fade. She placed her hand on Seras shoulder, drawing her a little closer. She wanted more of her but couldn't bring herself to make that leap. This had to stop now. But the hand on her neck was moving downwards, stopping just at the base of her neck before her cravat. She found herself wishing just as much as Seras that the hand would continue moving.

"I think that should help." Seras said breathily as she pulled away.

She lifted her eyelids and saw amber orbs full of… love? It wasn't possible she was sure of it but it was hard to label it as any other emotion.

She cast her eyes away and brought a hand up to rub at the puncture site.

"Thank you Seras. I'm feeling remarkably better."

"You're welcome Sir." Seras didn't want to push her luck tonight and decided it would be best if she didn't stick around any longer. "Have a good night." She was on her way out when Integra called her back.

"Seras." Her heart was racing. "Would you mind walking with me? I want to discuss some things with you."

"Yes sir!" Integra joined her side and they left her office.

"Alucard will be returning soon" She began. "But until then I'll need you to be prepared for an attack. Millenium has discovered his absence from the manor and Im certain they will make a move."

Integra removed her caravat as she spoke and Seras was finding it difficult to concentrate on her words.

"This is an odd request, and given recent events I'm not sure if it's the right action to take but It ensures my safety." She pocketed the silver cross. "I need you to take over as my bodyguard for the night."

Seras didn't trust herself to speak she knew what that meant. Spending the night in Integra's bedroom. A nod of her head was enough to relay her understanding. Before she could fully process the idea she was suddenly standing in her bedroom, while Integra changed several feet away from her, a thin wall separating them. Her room felt bare, just as her office did. She was careful not to reveal too much about herself in even her private space she noted. The only sign of a personal touch was a frame next to her bed stand. The photo was turned away from where she stood, facing the bed so Integra could see it while she lay.

She wanted to know what the photo was but before she could sneak a glance Integra came out of the bathroom. Butterflies filled Seras stomach as she saw Integra standing before her in her white nightgown. It was by no means provocative, yet it still invoked a reaction in her. Seeing her out of her usual business attire was foreign but helped show the true curves of her body. Integra did her best to ignore the heated look and climbed into her bed suddenly feeling very self aware. She sat against her head board and habitually glanced to her left. That's when she saw the picture and hastily turned it downward. She didn't want seras seeing something so personal, even though it was just a picture of her and her father she felt the need to conceal it.

"Seras you are to stay in that chair understood?" She pointed to a red chair off in the corner. "If I find out you leave it for any reason at all there will be serious repercussions."

"Yes sir."

"Good." She took off her glasses and set them on the table. "Now I don't want to hear a word from you. "

She nodded and Integra was pulling the sheets over her shoulders.

Integra struggled to fall asleep knowing the object of desires was just across the room. She purposefully put the chair in the corner as far away from her as possible but she might as well have set it right in front of her because all she could focus on was the mere fact that she was there. Amidst her restlessness she stole a glance in Seras' direction. It was hard to see through the darkness and without her glasses but she still felt her heart pounding in her chest from seeing just her silhouette. She tore her eyes away regretting her decision in pushing her away.

She had made a promise to herself, and to her father at a very young age that she would never see vampires as anything else but necessary tools. Vampirism itself was a curse infecting lives of the innocent but Seras she was different. She still had her human qualities and that completely warped her own opinion on the subject now . Could she possibly turn and retain a respectable status? What if they never had to find out?

The thoughts bothered her and she quickly rolled over to her other side in frustration. Becoming a vampire could ensure their service to the queen for centuries as she had no true intentions of producing an heir. The organization would be given to the Penwoods. They were a fine family but she wasn't sure if it would be a proper fit. Alucard, Seras and herself they would be the perfect trinity but could it last?

She found herself wishing that her father was here to help guide her. He left her too soon with too many responsibilities. He tried to prepare her but no matter how much he tried she could never have been prepared enough. She knew he wouldn't approve of her romancing but turning to ensure the Hellsing organizations progression perhaps he would. _Why am I even considering this?_ she thought rolling onto her stomach this time. Being eternally young and immortal sounded like a guarantee for pain and suffering.

That's when she considered how Seras must be feeling about the entire situation. Alone stuck with Alucard. He would never be able to fully understand or love her. That part of him was erased the day he became Hellsing's servant. Only a small part of him retained human emotion but it wasn't enough. She wanted Seras to be happy it's the reason she stopped their relationship before it began. Except reflecting on it now, either way Seras would end up hurt.

"Seras ." She called out, as she put on her glasses. The blondes head shot up .

"Yes sir?"

"I'm afraid I'm feeling another headache coming on. Would you mind fetching me a glass of water?"

"Right away sir!" She practically leapt out of the chair and left her room. This gave integra enough time to gather herself. She needed the woman to leave she was about to cave.

"Here you are sir." Seras was back and offering her the glass. She had forgotten how fast vampires were.

"Thank you." She sat up and took the glass. Seras remained by her side closely monitoring her master.

She felt her heart start to flutter beneath Seras' gaze and forced herself to think about anything but her.

"Is there anything else I can do for you sir?"

Her breath caught in her throat at the longing in Seras eyes. Why was this so difficult? They never had such an attraction before.

"Actually, there is..." Don't do it. She argued with herself. It's not appropriate and unfair to Seras. "Would you give me another massage?" _Idiot!_  
Wordlessly Seras knelt behind her on the bed, her weight sinking the bed.

"It's all of that paperwork you do." Seras sighed as she placed her hands at the base of her neck. "Honestly I've never seen anyone do so much of it. Not even the captain of my police force did that much and he had about a dozen reports a day."

"I would entrust the matter to someone else but I'm worried it won't be done correctly. Keeping such a large organization a secret is difficult and getting funds is another matter entirely... " Seras hands dug into her shoulder gently kneading it and easing away the tension. It felt so good to get rid of the knot.

Her hand gently pressed against a sensitive spot and she accidentally let out a moan. At hearing the sound Seras paused she was thankful Seras couldn't see her face because she knew it was burning. Before Seras own discomfort became obvious she continued to massage her neck and shoulder area. She bit her lip to prevent any future sounds from escaping. It had been far too embarrassing.

"You know sir. I'm fairly certain massages aren't in the job description." She said. A small smile graced integras lips

"Oh? I suppose I'll have to fix that then." Seras shifted closer to her on the bed and she was even more aware of how intimate this situation was. Here she was in her night gown, with Seras in her bed giving her a massage. She didn't want to fight it. It felt right.  
Hands worked their way up her neck, gently combing through her hair and massaging her scalp.

"Hmmm... I'll have to add hair care as well..." She closed her eyes and let Seras roam freely. Seras gathered her long strands of hair in both of her hands. Admiring her beautiful locks.

"I really could do something with your hair...you would look beautiful with it up."

"Thank you Seras." She felt her heart fluttering again at the hidden compliment.

She didn't know why she was enabling her like this. Or Why of all times she decided now would be good. She just wanted to be close to her.

Seras hands suddenly stopped and she felt her heart drop. She quickly put an end to whatever it was Seras was about to say.

"It's best I get some rest now... "

Why had she let her do this? It was a mistake.

"Yes...of course. I'll be here. Good night." Seras sounded wounded and it didn't help her feel any better. Sleep came to her but it was a very restless night.


	4. Chapter 4

Integra woke to amber eyes staring at her from the across the room. It should have made her uncomfortable but it oddly sent a warmth through her body, knowing she had a loyal protector.

"Morning sir!"

"Seras." She greeted. It was hard ignoring the vampire's gaze as she rose from her bed.

"You may return to your room now."

"Y-yes sir."

The pain of rejection was easily heard in her voice. She told herself that it was necessary to send her away so soon. She had a job and now it was over. There was no need for her to stick around any longer.

When it was time for the men's training she still went to the fencing room. She didn't expect Seras to show. It had been almost a week and she hadn't enforced her attendance. However, a part of her hoped she had enough sense of duty and reasoning to show up.

She gave it a couple extra minutes before starting her own exercises. Seras was a no show.

She warmed up by executing various jabs and thrusts of her épée through the air, cutting just as hard and furiously as she would at a ghoul. Sometimes she wished she could go on the battlefield. To escape the monotony of working behind her desk but it was too risky without a named successor. These moments in the fencing room were the closest she ever got to an escape.

About half an hour into her training Seras snuck into the room. She had meant to be there earlier but the commander insisted she gave a quick demonstration for their newest recruits. Now the vampire stood off to the side, fully dressed in her fencing garb debating how to approach Integra. She took too long and after a particularly taxing series of moves Integra paused to catch her breath. When she did her eyes landed right on her.

"Seras."

"Sir Integra. I'm sorry I'm late the commander needed me to show the new recruits proper gun handling..." She trailed off after noticing the burning look sent her way.

"The why is trivial. Un garde." Integra growled while thrusting her sword towards her.

The sudden advance had her leaping to the side.

"Grab your épée."

"Y-yes sir." Integra's face was completely listless but there was a fire in her eyes.

"Do not let me score a hit. If I do I'm sending you back to Pip."

"What?! No! You can't."

"I can and if you want to stay you won't let me hit you."

She couldn't tell if Integra was just taunting her but she didn't want to risk it. The thought of having to spend another day with Pip had her ignoring the seemingly heavy feel of the épée.

Integra initiated their duel and she was attacking her fiercely, almost angrily it seemed, but Integra had pulled down her mask now and she couldn't see her face.

Integra was quick, light on her feet and somehow she managed to dodge her. It was humbling but also worrisome. Integra was attacking like her very life depended on it. Something was up. She just blocked and dodged, blocked and dodged. The heavy breaths of Integra carried out into the room as time crawled on by. At this rate she would collapse from exhaustion.

"Sir!" She squeaked.

She had blocked a surprisingly forceful thrust from Integra and decided there was definitely something bothering her. Integra lowered her sword and she mimicked the action. They both stepped back and Integra dropped her helmet to the floor. She was breathing heavily, sweat covered her skin and her blue eyes burned her like a hot iron.

"You've improved remarkably." She drawled. "It seems you no longer require my help. You may leave."

She was so confused what happened? Had she done something?

"Sir..."

Integra collapsed against the wall, sliding down to a sitting position, like she no longer possessed the will to even stand. Her sword lay carelessly on the floor beside her. Defeated. The word rang in her mind because that's exactly how she looked. Nothing like the strong leader she came to know and admire.

Integra removed her glasses to briefly rub at her eyes and when she finished the action a startling thought hit her. Integra was exhausted, and not just from the fencing. She could see it now. The way her eyes seemed to be missing that light, and how her movements seemed slow, and heavy. It made her heart clench in her chest.

She moved closer to her side fully intending on voicing her concerns but Integra started to speak out, seemingly more to herself than Seras.

"I've given everything to this organization...My entire life has been nothing but sacrifices for the Queen and God. And now..." Her head snapped back, and their eyes met. Those crystal blues looked tired and sad. So very sad. Integra shut her eyes tightly just to regain her composure. "You have to go Seras. You should have stayed with Pip."

Integra refused to look at her but if she thought by avoiding her eyes she could avoid her she was wrong.

"Integra." She said softly. "I respect your decision... But sending me away won't help-"

"It will."

"You're stronger than that Integra. "

"Stop it." She suddenly growled. "You will address me as Sir and you will not tell me what I am."

Integra lashing out at her hurt but she stood her ground. They were reaching a pivotal point in their confusing relationship and it was only expected of her to react this way. Then after a tense moment Integra was backpedaling, and soft words broke into the air.

"I'm sorry." Integra breathed.

It oddly drew Seras closer to her and stirred up too many feelings in the both of them.

Integra could practically feel the blonde vampire against her, her legs a mere centimeter away from her own. She didn't know why she longed to have that contact, logically it was just a leg, but her body wanted her to touch it. To find out if it was a smooth as it looked. Maybe she could just reach out to her, or accidentally brushed against the skin.

No. That would lead to something far worse.

Their kiss was still etched in her mind as fresh as it was the moment it happened and right now just being near her made her long to feel those strong, sweet emotions.

She thought back on the days she had sent Seras away. The urge to seek her out rivaled her need to even eat or sleep. Now Seras was here and looking at her with such a caring expression. But she couldn't do this to Seras, hurt her by indulging.

The lump forming in her throat was too hard to swallow, it seemed to weighed her down and she struggled to even hang her head forward.

"Sir what is it?" Seras' voice pleaded. Seras had to know this was tearing her apart inside.

She turned searching the vampire's eyes for the right words to say and everything became clear. She knew what she had to say to stop this torment.

She spoke slowly, trusting the blonde beside her.

"I've never done anything just for me, I've been purposefully denying it, avoiding it. Now... I don't know how to go about any of this..." She closed her eyes and rested her head back against the wall.

"Seras I want you." The words were forced as if it pained her to say them aloud.

"Sir-" she raised her hand, she wasn't finished.

"But I am mortal. This relationship wouldn't workout for you in the end."

Seras eyes fell. She knew this.

"Then become one of us." Seras replied quickly. "the Hellsing Organization would stand strong forever. You could carry out your family's duty for all eternity and you'd have me by your side!"

"Seras," she said sternly."this isn't the first time I've had the idea pitched to me."

A bloody tear welled in Seras' eye but neither acknowledged it, their minds were too busy trying to process what was happening.  
"Can't we just... Make the most of your time with me. You deserve to be loved Integra." Her words were warming to hear but they somehow still caused her sorrow. Seras hand gently caressed her cheek. "I want to love you."

The affection and longing swimming in Seras eyes pulled painfully at her chest.

"What will it take to convince you?" Seras hand innocently slid down her neck, sending shivers down her spine.

"More than that..." She breathed.

Seras hand slipped beneath her jacket gripping her breast through the fabric, boldly advancing to a dangerous place.

She should have shot up to her feet in outrage, pushed her away and yelled but the moment Seras touched her all logic pooled away from her and she couldn't move away.

"Much more..." she added, because the contact was stirring something within her.

A smirk spread to Seras face.

"How about this..."

Seras inched closer to her, her lips hovering just inches away from hers. Her pulse raced with the anticipation, knowing just how soft and delicious the lips would feel. Except they never touched. Seras tilted her head downwards and latched herself onto her neck.

She let out a breathy moan at the sensation of wet lips on her skin. Seras didn't bite, she caressed with her tongue, sucked sensually at the skin, and just barely nibbled the flesh there. All of it sent her into a state of arousal. She willingly gave into Seras' advances now, disregarding how inappropriate this all was, and caved Into the need to feel lips on her own. When they met a feeling of deep content washed over her, and she knew that even if this wasn't the right choice, she would atleast enjoy it while it lasted.

The kiss woke something inside of her and she was suddenly pulling Seras onto her lap, gripping at her hips, like they were supposed to be one. Seras mewed with pleasure as it was Integra who took control. The shift was both arousing and unexpected given Integra's lack of experience.

"Integra." She gasped between a kiss. "I think we should move elsewhere."

"Don't... Want to." She groaned rubbing Seras' sides through her shirt.

Moving meant separating herself from Seras and she feared she would suddenly change her mind.

But a sudden dark rich laugh made the decision for them to move instead. Seras jumped off her like she had been physically struck.

"My master and servant are enjoying this recreational room far more than usual." He grinned. Integra scowled as she stood on shaky legs.

"Alucard. You're presence is not needed here. Return to your room."

"Yes master but first tell me. Is she as soft as she looks." Integra's eyes flared before she calmed herself. She should have been used to his heckling by now.

"Return to your room now. that's an order."

He chuckled once more before pooling away to nothing.

The air suddenly felt heavy.

"Seras...I.." Integra cleared her throat. "I think it's best that we move to my office."

Seras didn't know how to interpret that but wasn't going to give up the chance to spend more time with her. "Change and meet me there."

Minutes later they were both in their usual attire and addressing what just happened in the security of Integra's office.

"Seras...you have to understand how hard this is for me."

"I do sir..."

Integra let out a stream of smoke and watched it spiral upwards before speaking.

"I vowed to carry on my father's work. I will not let him down." Integra snubbed out her cigar and locked eyes. "But I don't want to fight this anymore. I can't..."

And with that Integra rose to her feet, just as strong and beautiful as the day she met her.

"You need to back off."

Seras choked on air as Integra seemed to suck the last piece of life out of her. She would never beat Integras sense of duty.

"Of course sir...I'll just -" she sniffed. "Head to my rooms now. Good night sir." Her voice broke and the tears filled her eyes.

It felt like Integra had taken a stake right to her heart, and ripped it out as some type of trophy.

She fled the office, leaving behind her broken heart and a cracking Integra. Neither of them wanted to believe that just happened but from the ache in their chests, and the void in their hearts they knew it did.

* * *

"Well done Police girl." Alucard grinned as she walked to her quarters. "I have only dreamt of doing such with our master and now I know why it was all in vain."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"But you must tell me all the juicy details." He purred and his grin spread so wide she thought his face might split. "And when you steal her virginity-"

She ran from the room unable to listen to his disgusting words any longer. She could hear his laughter in the background as the door slammed forcefully behind her.

Couldn't he see her heart was breaking? That because of him he interrupted the only chance she'd have at convincing integra she deserved to feel and experience love? Was he really that much of a monster? The tears were still streaming down her face as she ran through the manor. She needed air needed to get away from the cold constricting feeling of the walls surrounding her.

She didn't know where to go, but found a quiet spot on the grounds she could try to hide and gather herself for a while. she was away from him and that was all that mattered to her.

Integra went through her fifth cigar in the past hour, uncaring of the ill effects on her lungs. She needed something, anything to dull the pain. What sort of life was she living? Seras was offering her a new, possibly fulfilling opportunity but she turned it down out of fear. The feelings inside of her were too strong and too consuming. Yes her role had a large influence on the decision but it was the fear of throwing away her life for nothing. But really why did being a virgin really matter? Maybe she could - No! stop this at once. She shot up from her seat and paced over to the window that looked out upon the grounds. It was a beautiful day. Radiant, birds and bees humming joyfully, nothing like how she felt on the inside. She followed the path of a sparrow momentarily in awe of its grace, losing her thoughts for a little until she caught sight of a crumpled form off near the corner of her gardens.

She would recognize her anywhere but what was she doing? She looked harder to discover a slight shake to the hunched over shoulders. It hit her instantly, seras was crying. The surge of guilt sent her hurrying out of her office. Her steps quickened the more she envisioned the painful wracks of Seras sobbing shoulders. She was steps away from the outside door when she stopped in her tracks. She wasn't supposed to interact with her. It would only make things harder. Her own head hung now and she turned back to the confines of her office but this time she closed the blinds.

Two days. That's how long it bad been since they had even talked and it was slowly killing her-though she was already technically dead. They didn't talk much before but now it was painfully obvious Integra was avoiding her.

She never even saw the woman leave her office. Seras was brooding in her quarters , mulling over her immortality when Alucard decided to torment her more.

"Police girl why aren't you comforting our master in her time of need?"

"What?"

"Do you not hear it?"

"Hear what master?"

"The sounds of her heartache."

She strained to hear it and when she did, her own heart mimicked the feeling.

"She told me to stay away from her." She replied sadly.

Alucards brow rose but his grin never faltered. "Of course she would say that. You need to make another move."

"Why?"

He stared at her seriously.

"So I can rest in peace tonight. Her weeping is getting rather tiresome ... And you call yourself a vampire..." He didn't stick around any longer but his words had the desired effect.

Integra was crying and he thought she could stop it? Somebody needed to put a stop to this and if that meant Integra sending her away then fine. All of this was too painful anyway.

She knocked on Integras door anticipating a reply but found none. She tried again a little harder this time. Still nothing. Her concern drove her to barge in.

"Sir Integra?" She called out for the woman that seemed to be nowhere in sight.

A stream of smoke was the only indicator that she was there.

Then her voice invaded the quiet room.

"I told you to stay away."

" I work for you." She growled finally finding her backbone. Integra was being rude when all she wanted to do was check up on her!

"Yes you do but that doesn't require you to be here in my office."

"I needed to speak with you."

"Then speak and make it worthwhile. It may be your last time."

Seras stepped towards the chair Integra sat behind, it was turned away from her, from her work and to the outside world.

"Well police girl I'm waiting." It was a mean and ugly bite.

"Go."

This was a mistake.

She was leaving but her ears picked up on what Alucard had been saying before. Integra was crying. She never thought she'd see the day but the small almost nonexistent sniffle, and the catch in her throat gave it away.

Her logical side told her to give her space and let her work it out but her chest told her to go to her. Integra was tough yes but not heartless.

"I can't go." She spoke.

"You know why you have to ." Integra said.

"Which is why you know I can't."

"And what do you expect will be the outcome?" Integra stood from her chair, blue eyes steely yet calm, a hint of red from her crying.

"Um..." She shifted nervously.

"Did you think that by coming in here I would suddenly change my mind? That I would remember how perfect you felt against me?" Integra moved closer to her as she spoke never breaking eye contact. "That I would want to pull you close and kiss you? "

They were just a step away now. If Integra's words were meant to make her feel idiotic she was failing. In fact all she did was make her want her more. The strong way she spoke and the imagery it created had her breath catching.

"Is that what you thought?" Integra's own voice was breathy now and her eyes felt devouring.

"No..."

"Well then you thought wrong."

In one swift motion Integra pulled her into her, pressing soft lips into her own. Instantly she caved. Gripping onto Integra's jacket and welcoming the onslaught of feelings that washed over her.

"Integra." She moaned. "Does this mean-"

"It means I don't care anymore."

That didn't really clarify much for her but Integra made it clear she had no intention of stopping.

Her back met the door frame that just seconds ago she had been about to walk through, forcing a moan out of her, and Integra's body was against hers, her knee wedging itself between her legs.

After a few more seconds like this Integra broke away to catch her breath, her lips swollen and red. She never eased up the pressure or the subtle intensity behind their embrace.

"These past couple of days have been torture..." Integra supplied. She rested her forehead briefly against the same door frame Seras was pinned against.  
"I don't want to deny this any longer."

"Integra ." Seras gently turned Integra's head towards hers. "If you change your mind I... will respect your wishes."

A deep chuckle erupted from the woman momentarily startling Seras. Then she slowly pulled away, taking away the heat and comfort her body offered.

"Like how you respected my order to leave?"

"That's...different."

"It's not but I'm in no mood to argue. " Integra readjusted her cravat and cleared her throat.

"Fencing room 7pm."

The declaration caught her off guard. Was it just another exercise? Or a date? Either one made her nervous.

"Yes sir."

Integra smirked.

"Oh and feel free to stay in your uniform. You won't be needing to change."

The almost predatory look on her face made it hard to reply so she nodded instead. A minute later Integra was dismissing her but the dismissal couldn't even touch her newly revived heart. She would see Integra again.


	5. Chapter 5

Seras entered the fencing room with a nervousness she only felt when going to battle. It was absurd really. She'd taken down criminals, hordes of ghouls and other vampires yet none of that could match the current twisting of her stomach.

"Seras." Integra was calling to her from across the vacant room. "I don't have all eternity like you."

She was forming an apology when she saw the small smirk on Integra's face. Was Integra teasing her?!

"Then I guess you'll just have to be patient."

Integra crossed her arms and stared down the rims of her glasses. There was still a spark of playfulness lasting in her eyes but now it was being overshadowed by her need to command.

"I am patient when it's necessary. However at the moment I suggest you get over here."

Nerves relinquished, she smiled at Integra and quickly joined her side of the room. Integra was sitting on a nearby bench with her hands resting on her knees looking impossibly timid. It was a strange look on her leader and she questioned if she was just imagining it.

"I called you here because I want to set some rules...whatever it is we are...it cannot interfere with our day to day interactions. You are still very much my servant as I your leader."

"Of course."

"And for now, I would prefer to keep this between us...though Alucard already knows I'm not willing to add to that list."

"Yes, sir."

" Integra." She corrected.

Seras nodded unable to keep the goofy grin from her face. Integra shifted in her seat and Seras knew that Integra was just as unsure of how to handle this as she was.

"Why did you want to talk here? Are you planning on beating me again?"

" I thought it would give us the most privacy for the time being...and perhaps I did want to fence some more."

Integra smirked over at her and the very look made her stomach flip a thousand times over. It was mischievous and suggestive but she wouldn't read too much into it.

"Then let's fence." She held out her hand to Integra. Integra looked at it for a second before finally placing a gloved hand in her own, her eyes shining with a subtle excitement. She guided Integra along refusing to drop the hand as they made the short walk towards the equipment. It felt warm and too comforting to let go of.

"Seras." Integra chuckled lightly. "I'm going to need the use of my hand."

"Oh!" She laughed nervously and released her death grip. " Sorry…"

She turned her back to Integra and began to pick out her equipment. She had yet to hear the woman even move but could feel Integra's eyes on her studying her. It had her wondering if Integra was reconsidering.

Before she even asked Integra was beside her.

" That gear is too small for you."

" What? But this is what I've been wearing."

"Yes and it's too tight. You would benefit from a bigger size. Don't tell me you don't feel the least bit restricted in it?"

"Sort of...but if it is all you have I'm okay with it."

"Of course I have other sizes."

Integra moved to a different cabinet and pulled out fresh fencing garb.

"This should help."

Integra handed it over and moved to her own corner of the room to change. _Prude_ Seras thought affectionately.

She stripped her pants and heard Integra doing the same behind her. At this point she had to fight the urge to turn around and look. Images of the last time kept she saw Integra change kept invading her mind. She mentally admonished herself for wanting to look and kept to her side of the room. Halfway through her own changing the sounds of Integra's movements stopped.

The silence got to her and she broke her own rule of not looking.

Integra was ready to go, seated on the bench languidly waiting. Their eyes met and Integra raised a brow as if to say well then?

How did she change so fast? A bit flustered now she quickly finished dressing with her back to Integra.

"It fits nicely." Integra said. She heard soft footfall with Integra's approach.

"It feels better too."

"Good." Integra brushed a hand across the front of Seras jacket flattening it out. "Now let us begin."

Integra stepped away, her gear in perfect order, her head held high and eyes gleaming. The image was striking, like always.

"If I win you have to cover Walter's vacation." She said as she slipped down her mask.

"What? But that's a whole week?!"

"Is it? Hmmm. Well you better not lose then."

"Okay fine but if I win you have to make Alucard do it." Integra paused deterred by the idea of Alucard hovering for a week but knew she still had the advantage. Besides it's not like she really needed a Butler.

"Deal."

"Ha you're going down!" Seras exclaimed.

"Not before your mask." She reminded.

The mask was lowered and their swords were raised. Seras sort of wanted to be her Butler for a week, to spend some time with her and decided she was going to lose, not that she thought she could beat her anyway.

It started off with Integra lunging and she blocked it. She made a counterattack but naturally Integra anticipated that.

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you aren't even trying."

"What?! I am."

Integra chuckled richly and swiped at her, hitting her upper arm.

"Point."

They reset. This time Seras hit Integra's lower abdomen.

"Solid hit." Integra replied sounding very surprised.

"Have you been practicing without me?" Integra teased.

She grinned beneath her mask at the hidden compliment but she knew Integra was just humoring her.

"I've just been going easy on you."

"Really?" Integra jumped back from her attack continuing their talk while they dueled. "Then I suppose I'll have to actually try now. Walter is going to be so happy he can finally go to Waikiki."

Seras intended on hitting her but missed, whether Integra dodged it or if it was a flop she couldn't tell but she twisted awkwardly on her foot and landed on her rear.

Integra immediately removed her mask

"Honestly Seras." She sighed. "You're a vampire. "

"Yes but a clumsy one."

Integra held out her hand to help her up, but she pulled on it instead. Integra was unable to stop her downward descent and landed in her lap.

"You did that on purpose." Integra grumbled as she pushed off her. Seras didn't let her go though.

"Yes I did."

"What are you-"

"I'm yielding. You win."

Integra looked at a loss of what to do now, helplessly trapped in Seras embrace.

Though she wasn't fighting her, Seras could tell Integra did not like being restrained this way.

"This is not yielding. However if that is the case then as the new Walter I order you to release me and go start some tea."

Integra sounded serious, her tone stern and very unforgiving. She should have listened to her but the feeling of soft curves pressing into her had her holding on.

She wrapped her arms further around Integra's waist, revealing in the slim yet strong feel, pulling her further into her lap. After several seconds like this Integra gave in, letting out a small sigh as she leaned into her, her back pressing into Seras chest. Integra didn't have the will to fight her and she was certain she no longer wanted to.

"I guess tea can wait…" Integra replied.

She smiled softly and unconsciously started to rub tiny circles into Integra's side. Neither said anything for a while, both trying to process the feelings washing over them while sitting there on the floor.

Seras briefly recalled the Valentine brother attack and how Integra had held her in a similar manner.

"I never did thank you for stopping me…"

Integra turned her head slightly towards her fully aware of what she was referring to.

"You don't need to."

"But I do. I was scared… and I don't know what would have happened if you didn't and that scares me even more."

Integra turned in her arms, her legs draped across Seras crossed ones, and chose her next set of words carefully.

"Its in your nature Seras. I'm sorry it has to be that way but the best you can do is learn to control it." Integra brushed a hand across her cheek, staring into amber eyes. "Hold onto these human emotions as long as you can. I fear that they may fade as time goes on for you."

Integra's blue eyes held a sadness now, and as her words settled in that sadness overwhelmed Seras. A couple of tears escaped her and Integra promptly wiped them away.

She wanted to say something, anything but just choked over her words .

"Its okay." Integra said. This was too much for her right now. Too many emotions, building up a pain in her chest. Integra recognized the heartache and ushered her head to her shoulder. She wordlessly combed through her locks, attempting to comfort her.

It wasn't the playful embrace Seras had intended anymore, everything had gotten too real too fast. She was thankful Integra chose to remain there while she let her tears out. She felt so foolish for crying like this but she couldn't stop them.

Several minutes passed before she finally managed to steer her thoughts to a better place and when she pulled away from Integras shoulder she found blue eyes looking at her with admiration.

"You are strong Seras." Integra said. Integra lifted her chin and drew her closer, lips moving to meet hers in a reassuring kiss.

It didn't feel like the others, it was slower, searching and the strength behind it was frightening. Up until this point in her life she thought she knew what a mind blowing kiss was, she had been wrong. This was it and too think it had only lasted a couple of seconds.

"Thank you…" She replied.

"You're welcome."

Integra stood to her feet now and she felt saddened at their separation.

"Do you still want tea?"

"Tea would be nice."

 **A/N: Sorry for lack of updates I just can't seem to firmly keep my feet planted. Anyway thanks for reading. I'll try to write some more.**


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